is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize