my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
