I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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