I think my fart just growled at me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
