cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
