I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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