those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He better not be in your backpack
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
