if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
