Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
tell me about the fingering
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
