why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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