i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
