In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
