Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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