So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
