do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
