my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
