Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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