I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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