i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
