lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
