My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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