xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
