K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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