I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
