I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
