My balls are so social today.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
