just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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