Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
