i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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