I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
