Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
