Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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