Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
