he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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