He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
