I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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