my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
