Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We are all done wearing pants today
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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