It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
