Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
