someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
