Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
