Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
false alarm, still single
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
