I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
