he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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