check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
