She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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