At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
