We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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