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I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
