I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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