So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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