i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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