It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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